Coastal Investigation Services

Signs That Your Partner May be Having an Affair

Email in the strictest confidence at

Call 01323 382389 or 07775 440039

Members of the British Association of Investigators

Signs That Your Partner May be Having an Affair

Sometimes, the truth isn’t always obvious. Jerry Kilshaw, an experienced Private Investigator owns Coastal Investigation Services. When it comes to investigating cheating partners, he’s seen almost everything.
With several years in the business, he recognises the signs. Here, he shares his knowledge so that you know what you look out for.

Sadly, infidelity is all too common.

According to the YouGov website, one in five British adults have admitted to having an affair. What’s more, one third have “thought about it”. Moreover, it would appear that unfaithful partners tend to cheat more than once. Anecdotally, other informal statistics and surveys reveal that the one in five figure is on the cautious side. Of course, when it comes to matters of the heart, honesty may not always feature highly, so perhaps we’ll never know.

What I do know, however, is that a great deal of my work as a PI involves obtaining proof of infidelity, enabling my clients to reach informed decisions as to their next steps. Of course, both genders cheat, but to make this blog easier to read and avoid too much gender-neutral language, this blog focuses on errant male husbands and partners. Do be aware that NONE of these signs are absolute proof of cheating. Some of them may be. Or, all of them. But these are the key things to look out for. There appear to be key patterns, however. Based on my experience, you may wish to look out for these:

So, the main ones are:

1. He’s increasingly distant.

Perhaps a good way of describing this is “switched off” – like a light switch. If you’ve gone through this situation, you’ll know what I mean. Your husband or partner is suddenly “not there”. He’s disengaged, perhaps he’s staring into space. Not talking much, perhaps, or communicating with you in the way that he used to.
He may be frequently tired and has started to lack interest in your relationship.

2. He’s much more interested in his appearance than normal

This is a cliché that tends to be rooted in fact. If he starts displaying a new interest in grooming (and new is the important aspect here) for example getting regular haircuts or investing in expensive new skincare, even cologne, there may be cause for concern.
Perhaps he’s started going to the gym again, losing weight and buying new clothes. He may be trying to impress someone.

3. The mobile phone…

Modern technology provides us with several opportunities to cheat.
If someone guards their mobile jealously, even taking it with them to the bathroom, it’s possible that secrets are being kept. If your partner has changed the password or barred you access to his phone in some way, he may be sending and receiving text messages or calls he’d rather you didn’t see.
If you do have access to the phone, you may notice that messages are being deleted. Also look out for an increased amount of “wrong numbers” when you pick up the phone.
An extension of the above point is…

4. Being Unreachable

Should your husband be late home, you may call him to check he’s on his way. Should he not answer, or the call go straight to voicemail, and this is becoming increasingly common, this could be a sign of an affair.
He may call you back after a long period claiming that he was in a meeting or that the battery was flat. This same phone is the one that he never lets out of his sight.

5. He just keeps talking about the “new person at work”

Many affairs start in the workplace, indeed in my experience, this is a typical way that male partners cheat. If a particular person’s name pops up out of the blue, followed by frequent references to her, then be aware.
There’s even a name for it: “mentionitis”. Ironically, to cover his tracks, he may even express a number of critical opinions about this person but of course, he may not be telling the truth.

6. He’s become unkind and unreasonable

A horrible one, this.
If his attitude towards you starts to change, it’s time to think about the real reasons why. Cheating on someone is stressful. It needs the ability to compartmentalise, which isn’t easy for most people. So, he may be feeling great emotional turmoil, which he’s taking out on you.
Listen carefully. He may be accusing you of cheating.
Has your husband started being hostile, or creating pointless arguments with you? Has he criticised your appearance, your habits, been sarcastic or rude? If this is out of character (and let’s hope it is…), it could be a sign of infidelity.

7. Gift giving, over-compensating and other guilty behaviour

Spontaneous gifts are tokens of love and esteem. Of course, they’re a joy to receive – normally. If, however, gift giving is not what he would normally do, there may be cause for concern.
And the reason? He’s feeling guilty.
He may pay you more compliments than usual, or even start behaving in a much more romantic way. And, without being too indiscreet, if there are new, more interesting things to do in the bedroom, then this may start ringing alarm bells, too.

So, what can you do?

First of all, remain discreet if you can. Don’t accuse him or anything or confront him. If he’s innocent, you could harm your relationship beyond repair. If he’s guilty, you may need strong proof, so my advice would be to watch, wait and listen at this stage. Observation should be key here, not anger.

If you’re thinking about engaging Coastal Investigation Services , then providing us with information that could point us in the right direction will be invaluable. For example, the days that he tends to go AWOL, the name of the person he keeps mentioning, names of the colleagues he’s supposed to be with.

If you’re not sure, do get in touch and we’d be happy to discuss how our services can uncover the information you need.

And, finally, keep strong. You don’t deserve this. You deserve to be happy. And do know the truth: there are many kind, faithful partners out there. You just got unlucky this time.

Coastal Investigation Services
November 2019

Back to blog home